Wednesday, January 21, 2015

high inflammation markers

Well, I've been avoiding writing a journaling post since Monday, as my oldest daughter's GI appointment did not go quite as I was expecting. I was trying to avoid actually putting how her appointment went into words, because along with my words comes my feelings. If I think too long about it, it really makes me depressed. Unfortunately, her inflammation markers for her bowels are extremely high, still. It is so heartbreaking when you think she is doing so well, to find out her inflammation is still high, always high it seems. I know she is so incredibly blessed to not be having any symptoms of this, but it is still so heartbreaking for me. For her too, I am sure. It just reminds me how silent this disease actually is. That it can be wreaking havoc within, without her even knowing. She will be starting on steroids for 12 weeks to help bring down the inflammation more immediately, and then we will see where to go from there. Hopefully her inflammation markers will be in the normal range at that point, and stay there. She has been on steroids once before, right after her diagnosis. It was pretty rough for her. Apparently this is suppose to be a different type of steroids that will not enter through her blood stream, but will be taking a different route straight to her bowels, and supposedly this will mean that she will not have to experience all of those terrible side effects of long term steroids (night sweats, ice pick headaches, shaking, intense hunger). I still need to read up on this medication a bit more to see how true that information is, but she will be starting this journey again tomorrow morning. I feel so terrible for her, and as her mom, completely helpless. Whenever we hear those high inflammation markers, it is like a slap in the face that no matter what I do for her, how hard I try as her mother to keep her healthy, her body will continue to do its own thing, according to Crohn's Disease. It is hard to not feel like you are failing somehow, at something, but you just can't put your finger on what.

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