Wednesday, May 8, 2013

power of pain

 
I watch her writhing in pain
and screaming for my help
that I cannot give, choking back
my own tears of limitation.
Her words of broken faith
and torn dreams of life
mock me- leaving me empty
watching her true pain unfold
like an unwanted magic show.
My heart breaks as I try
to find a place within for this
unwanted knowledge that tortures,
leaving me nowhere to express
but through the ink of my pen.

by K, Copyright 2013

*This moment was written about a time when my oldest daughter was hospitalized due to Crohn's Disease. It was a moment for me that completely changed my life. It changed how I see, how I write, how I feel. She was hospitalized for a week and was in a terrible amount of pain that could not really be helped with pain meds due to the side effects of pain meds causing her even more problems with her Crohn's Disease. The photo was taken towards the end of her stay, of a ceiling tile that she painted once she started to feel a little better. Here is a photo of other ceiling tiles painted by other children in the GI ward of the childrens hospital:

I always get emotional when I see these photos and think of all the children that were there during that time, crying their own tears of pain, just as my daughter was. This poem was written this morning after reading Poets United prompt- poetry heals. I remember one night shortly after we returned home from this hospital visit, I awoke in the middle of the night overwhelmed with grief, and was soon after sitting in my bathroom with the door closed to not wake the rest of my family, writing out a poem that was interlocking with my sadness (which you can read here). It is true that poetry heals, for me, in the way that it allows me to connect and understand my own emotions and express them through my own writing.


29 comments:

  1. I can feel the sadness in your words, nothing more painful than seeing your child suffer. You did a beautiful job on expressing this. Hope she is well.

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  2. Pain filled and evocatively expressed.

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  3. Overall a feeling of helplessness but a tiny ray of light through affecting change with the written word. "Tears of limitations" sets the theme and tone.

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    1. Actually I don't find tears themselves limitting...the power of our sadness can be our greatest motivators. My sadness had eventually started me on a path of energy healing and energy work, simply out of desparation to help my daughter. I have learned lots and progressed to a point of helping her deal with her pain, even teaching her how...all because of the tears I have shed and the sadness at seeing my daughter go through what she does. Thank you for the comment! I agree...tears can be limitting, if that is all we do with them. We can, however, allow them to transform who we are...into deeper, stronger people. Just my two cents!

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  4. Painful but really expressive of the frailty of life and hope. Touched my heart and my prayers.

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  5. Real and true writing - my dad is sick now, but oh man when it is the little ones...

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    1. Sorry to hear about your dad. Hopefully he will feel better soon. It is hard with little ones. I think the hardest part is simply them being so young and just not be able to understand what is going on, and yhe fear that brings them. Thanks for reading!

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  6. Deeply honest, therefore deeply felt. Tears so often stifled, are meant to wash away at least the emotional pain.

    Elizabeth
    http://soulsmusic.wordpress.com/2013/05/08/healing-path/

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  7. K, I'm so sorry for the pain your daughter has to endure. It is so hard when you can't find that magic potion to help your child heal. I hope she is doing better now.

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  8. Both child and mother in so much pain. You have written this from a place that must resonate in every mother's heart. Your growing strength likely grew from the healing of being able to "write your way through". Bravo!

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  9. Thank you for your lovely comments.

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  10. It definitely is hard to see one's child in such pain. I am glad you found healing in writing. I have felt the healing power of writing many times when there has been something difficult to bear in life. It is also especially therapeutic when one knows that someone 'out there' has heard, empathized. As we do.

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  11. How true, when there is noone , our pen and poems provide us comfort.

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  12. i could feel your pain.. it's awing how parents can feel the pain that we kids go through..

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  13. Glad that you find comfort in your pen. Pray for your strength

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  14. I could feel the pain in this poem. Sad, but very nicely written.

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  15. It breaks my heart every time I think of children suffering. I can sense your devastation and helplessness. My husband has chronic pain and meds don't work he is in so much pain sometimes and I can't do anything right now I have a bacterial infection causing severe pain and I realize he must feel this way a lot and I realize how strong he must be to cope because I am finding it very difficult. Children are strong and resilient

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  16. I can't imagine having to experience this as a parent...your poem is powerful (as is your other poem, which I'm glad you shared). Your words completely resonated with my mother heart. Beautiful words!

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  17. A poem that holds a heartbreak inside. Sad, beautiful and amazingly touching. Hope she is well now. God bless her.

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  18. Powerful, distilled writing. This piece is an essential example of relating a moment, painful or joyful, through poetry. Well done!

    http://www.kimnelsonwrites.com/2013/05/10/wounded/

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  19. What a terrible experience for all concerned! I'm vey glad you do find the poetry healing.

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  20. I believe its the 4th time Ive come to see this poem. Really the beauty increases each time.

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    1. Wow..thank you for your lovely words. I think the heaviness or level of relatability is probably due to the readers own experience. That is sometimes part of the pain of it all, being surrounded by mostly people in my life that are blessed to not have these experiences, or to watch a loved one experience true suffering... so I love it when I come across someone that i feel gets it. Part of the healing of writing these poems and sharing them on this blog- it opens up my world to others that "get it". Thanks for reading!

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