This is a tad early, but I felt like writing my letter with Christmas just around the corner. I know this is the month one should reflect upon all of the many blessings that swirl around our every days, but this month my heart has been in the palms of dreams made by the Sandman himself. I think this monthly letter will be about what I strive for the most, my Christmas wishes.
Nestled in every nook and cranny of my body rests my strongest desire, my most wished for wish, healing. I wish for the healing of my daughter and for myself from the diseases that plague us. I wish my oldest daughter could be free of doctor appointments, colonoscopies, medications, infusions, aches and pains, and constipation. I wish that she would not know what it feels like to be on steroids and experience withdrawals. I wish that she could sit down to eat a meal without having so many food limitations. I wish that she would not have to spend so much of her days in the bathroom. I wish that she would have no painful secrets to swipe into hiding from others, and that she could grow throughout her childhood knowing what it is like to truly be a child. I wish my daughter to be healed from Crohn's Disease.
I wish for the healing of myself, from my mind that torments me through OCD. I wish that I could walk freely amidst my home with my mind being able to accept that I will not be contaminated by some deadly germ. I wish that I could look at the people that I love without having terrible worries about their safety and wellbeing playing vividly through my mind. I wish that I could stop washing my hands and forearms before they crack and bleed. I wish that I could be free from the trappings of compulsive thoughts so that I can be a better mother and wife. But most of all, I wish for my own healing because it would give me a glimmer of hope that it was possible for my daughter.
This month my mind has been infiltrated by the notion of true healing. This month my heart has gotten caught up in the spirit of Christmas miracles. This month my Christmas wish is healing.